Why Me?

Often, when something tragic happens in our lives, or maybe even something mildly uncomfortable, we are tempted to ask the question, "Why me?"  Often, when we ask that question, we are warned that it will do us no good.  It won't change the situation.  It won't make any difference.  BUT, I say, ask the question.  Whenever I ask the "Why me?" I am overwhelmed by the answers.

"Why me?"  Why did I, out of my many many cousins, my husbands many many cousins, and all of our friends (two years ago) have the baby with half a heart?  Why was I the one who's family was torn apart during each hospital stay?  Why was I the one who was living with the fear of losing my child?  There were so many "why me's" that ran and still run through my head every time we hit a bump in the road.  And with every "why me" I am reminded exactly "why me."
"Why Me?"  Because I am strong.  Stronger than I ever knew.  I never knew that I was strong enough to sleep through the constant beeping of a hospital at night.  I never knew that I was strong enough to hold my child down while the IV team took 45 minutes to place one IV.  I never knew that I was strong enough to fire a cardiologist who couldn't remember the difference between my child and a poodle.  I never knew that I was strong enough to do what it takes to be a heart mom.  That's why me.
"Why Me?"  Because I needed to see miracles.  I've seen the miracle of a baby recovering from two open-heart surgeries.  I've seen the miracle of friends and strangers stepping in to do whatever they could for little ol' me (and my family.)  I've seen the everyday miracles that at one time seemed random, but now I know exactly what they meant.  I've seen the miracle of prayers being answered.  I've seen the miracle of a normally crazy, emotionally messy woman (me) step up and manage to do what she needs to take care of her family.  I've seen God's hand in my life, preparing me for this journey before it started and everyday since.
"Why me?"  Because God loves me.  From the mouth of Mother Teresa, “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."  I was lucky enough to hear this quote days before we were told Olivia had a heart defect.  The initial feelings I had when we were told we would have a heart baby were feeling of inadequacy, loss, weakness.  I didn't think this was something I could handle.  But Mother Teresa's quote gave me that glimmer of hope.  He was trusting me to take care of this special spirit.  He was trusting me to fight for this baby girl.  To fight for her life, and her well-being.  He was trusting me to be the amazing person it takes to be a heart mom.  I had my doubts that I could do this.  I wasn't sure that God was giving me something I could handle, but because He was trusting me with this special role as a heart mom, I knew He wouldn't leave me to do it on my own.  He knew that the blessings would far out-weigh the trials.  He knew that I would find my strength.  He knew that I would get a few steps closer to becoming the person He wants me to be.  He trusted me.  He showed me how much He loves me.  That's why me.