Thankful

It's that time of year again.  The time of year everyone starts to remember the things they are thankful for.  The things that normally they don't think about until they are sitting around that table piled high with food that took hours to prepare.  

Now, don't get me wrong.  I know that many try to remember their blessings.  But I also know from personal experience that it's easy to slip into a stupor.  Let's call it the stupor of life.  It's what happens when life is just going.  Not necessarily going well or badly but just going.  The mundane takes over and what was once extraordinary has become normal and you forget to be grateful for it.  We try to remember.  But unfortunately we're stuck in these darn human bodies with these darn human imperfections and we don't always succeed.

I, stuck with my imperfect human-ness, have slipped into my fair share of life stupors.  I was content with life, and in my prayers I would express my gratitude but was I really genuine?  As a girl who is quick to point out her weaknesses, I will admit freely, nope, I sure wasn't.  And then I received this amazing gift.   A gift in the form of a sweet little baby with a perfectly broken heart.

When Olivia was diagnosed we were told, rather bluntly, "You will outlive your child."  Those words have forced me into a never-ending state of gratitude.  No one can tell me how long I will have her.  No one can tell me what our future holds.  So I am filled with a tremendous amount of genuine gratitude for every moment with my baby girl.

I have seen how quickly things can change in the heart world.  It's terrifying.  Then it makes me think of how quickly things can change in the regular world.  And it's terrifying.  And I am filled with a genuine gratitude for the moments I have with Andrew and Ella too.

How much does my Father in Heaven love me, to send me this beautiful gift?  I have had some rough moments in our journey, in which I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on.  But even through it all, I could look down at those beautiful big hazel eyes and be overwhelmed with the gratitude for a wonderful hospital, surgeon, nurses, medications, my own strength, the home I got to bring her home to, and every little bit of our lives that were once those very mundane things I used to forget about. 

This Thanksgiving season I am grateful for the lessons Olivia teaches me everyday.  Most specifically, the lesson of year round genuine gratitude.