Though I've used it a lot since we started running with the heart crowd I have never really understood the phrase, "scare the hell out of me/him/her/it." You'd think that would be a good thing. To have the hell scared out should be such a relief. Because let's face it, the anxiety, fear, loneliness, exhaustion, etc. that come with the hard times in this journey are the true hell. I'm thinking I would love to truly have the hell scared out of me. It would be such a relief. Instead, I keep getting the sanity and peace scared out of me. Super frustrating!
Over the past couple of months Olivia has been slowly scaring the sanity out of me. Lower sats, lower energy and new on the scene, crappy appetite. Naturally, this mama has gone the way of the crazies. Anxiety's a bitch. Pardon my french but like I said, sanity is gone! But at least my anxiety has been vindicated. Olivia had an echo on Friday and guess what glorious news we received? Enlarged liver and decreased function. Nothing like joining the heart failure club. Nothing like finally realizing why you've been a basket case for the past two months. Nothing like being hit by that big burly truck carrying the unwanted news you certainly weren't expecting.
Alright, let's be honest. It's possible heart failure. Not guaranteed. There will be a cath asap and then we'll find out where we're sitting, what our options are, and on and on.
But my point is! Why can't someone scare the hell out of me? Please? I don't like breaking down crying every few hours. It's really a major pain, especially when I actually do my makeup. I want the sanity back and the hell gone. Pretty please?
Ok, internet tantrum done.
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