1 the hollow, muscular organ that circulates the blood by alternate dilation and contraction 2 the central, vital, or main part; core 3 the human heart considered as the center of emotions, personality attributes, etc.
We call ourselves "Heart Moms" for many reasons. It's a badge of honor we earn the second we hear the words "heart defect." It's a badge of honor none of us want but all of us cherish.
We earn this badge because our child's heart is broken and incomplete.
I earned this badge on January 20, 2012 when the doctor sat down at my baby's twenty-week ultrasound and said, "Your baby has a heart defect." It would take two week for us to learn that Olivia was missing half of her heart. She was diagnosed with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I have since learned what a true heart mom is.
The best way for me to describe a heart mom is to follow Webster's guidelines.
1 A true heart mom knows all about that hollow, muscular organ. She knows what stenosis of the left pulmonary artery is. A heart mom knows what an atretic mitral valve is. She knows what the norwood, glenn, and fontan are. She knows more about the heart than she ever thought she would or wanted to. A heart mom knows there is no truly fixing a broken heart.
2 The core to being a heart mom is the care of your heart baby. A heart mom drops everything to make sure this broken-hearted beauty(or stud) is as well as possible. She makes sure there is hand-sanitizer in her purse, diaper bag, car, coat pocket, jacket pocket, pants pocket, tool box, toy box, mail box...A heart mom goes into hiding for RSV season during the early years, sends home special "don't get my heart kid sick" notes to students during the elementary years, and prays that if her heart child makes it to his/her later years he/she is responsible enough to take care of themselves when they do get sick. Heart mom's know how to fortify breast milk, drop an NG tube, calorie pack any meal, and meticulously monitor weight gain. She knows what it is to obsess about fluid input and output, sats, and the color of her child's hands and feet. The core of a heart mom is stressful and exhausting.
3 The heart of a heart mom, the center of her emotions, is overworked. The roller coaster that this journey sends her on with its highs and lows, loop-de-loops, and whiplashing stops. The heart of a heart mom is often full to overflowing. It's often breaking. The personality attributes of a heart mom are as much a roller coaster as her emotions. A heart mom can be stressed to the max, ready to throw a terrible-two size tantrum over unwanted news and be rolling on the ground laughing the next because another heart mom sent her pictures from her sleep study. The personality of a heart mom includes a certain amount of selfishness, a great deal of charity, an enormous amount of stress, and a special amount of laughter.
All this, and so much more is what makes a heart mom. This is what has made me. I have gone through a year of hell. I have watched my Olivia go through two open heart surgeries and two heart caths. I have been thrown around like a worn out rag doll by this heart journey. Felt the highest highs and some pretty low lows and I pray every day that I never have to feel that lowest low. I've learned more, prayed more, and done more in the past year and half than I ever imagined I would in my entire life. This is a journey we enter unwillingly and a battle we fight to keep fighting. We do this all for that perfectly broken baby. Because that broken and incomplete heart is what complete's our own.
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